SBism™: Deuces to #NoFlirtFebruary

My first SBism on Life Without Spanxs isn’t what I expected it to be. It comes from a darker place which I only allow those closest to me to see. A place of self-doubt, anguish and genuine confusion. It’s a vulnerable part I like to control (for the most part) as it serves a painful purpose and can become quite indulgent, if given too much attention. But it’s somewhere I have to draw on today, if just to encourage someone else. As I write this, tears trickle onto my keyboard. Not so much for hurt but more for my blessings. I believe the best in people. It’s what I do, it’s who I am and, in an ideal world, it’s where I always encourage others to get to. Most especially in love. Men, however, have tried that blessing and made me wish I didn’t have it in the abundance that I do.



 Now, if you’ve read this far down I have to clarify this feeling does not stem from a few isolated incidences on my part or those I talk to. Rather, it comes from years of observing, listening analysing and attempting to understand the value of honesty and love. For the men who this is applicable to, I’ll address you directly. Why do you lie? Is the need to fulfil that sexual gratification really that overwhelming? The drain on your karma must leave you three shades of mentally inebriated because God knows how you don’t think that shxt won’t catch up with you. I thoroughly respect a man who tells you exactly what he is simply because he shares the choices that need to be made. And the best part? Other women actually agree with me. Yes, you’re welcome. Is it the insecurity of not being accepted for who you are and ‘player prowess’ invigorating your confidence? On behalf on the ladies, I say if we like you, we know why, even amidst the eccentricities. Trust the process and be honest when you doubt yourself for a moment and potentially fxck it up. Cowardice died in the days of Scooby Doo and our childhood cartoons. Or maybe things just change and you aren’t sure anymore. Suck it up and sort it out. Time is a commodity which neither person has to waste. Peace is an even greater one. The power you may consciously (or unconsciously, through lack of communication) wield over another human will never outweigh the peace of treating others the way you want to be treated. Unless you, in turn, want to be treated like a roll on, used to cover the shxtstorm that is another woman’s inability to be honest with you. In which case, ice your relationship needs and invest in some therapy. Seriously, it’s free (https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/relationship-counselling).



I started this month as #NoFlirtFebruary, as my ability to see the best in people has its tendencies to be misinterpreted (and sometimes the wrong guys are still sexy AF – ladies, we’ve all been there). However, mid-way through I’ve consciously killed the notion. Why? I want to ride these growing pains out, and work out the worthy from the #WasteHerTime2017s. Just offloading these thoughts has made that a little easier already.

Though my tears have dried up, my feelings haven’t and, I suspect for some reading this, yours haven’t quite too. As much I want to end this on a quirky positive note, like I normally do, I won’t. However, I will make two vows. You are not alone. The time it takes to deal with being hurt, whether it was quick and dirty or over a longer period, works differently for everyone. But you will get through it and I’m always here if you want a chat. Honestly, no matter who you are. Second vow is that this is the last SBism I will  negatively make reference to the perils of singleness and passing through that stage of life. It’s a dimension of myself I care dearly about, given my feelings on the hope in love, but it is one of many dimensions I have. In ripping the band-aid off you expose weaker sides of yourself, like I have today, but some of those sides you eventually leave to heal. Change. Rejuvenate.  It’s not quite the perfect body but the battle scars give you something to tell the kids.