SBism™: Relationship 101

I started writing this believing, for the most part, that I do not consider myself sexy. On a day-to-day basis I work with what sleep and the scales bless me with, with somewhat of a resigned understanding that hubby-to-be will really have to push through if he happens to meet me on a weekday. Moreover, when I do make an effort, I now mainly admire the fact that I've found a dress that does not require Spanxs (it is, after all, a lifestyle 😉). That geeky woman that shakes her booty in the mirror when she's alone but is too shy to do it one-on-one in front of a hot guy I most certainly am. I was so sure of my status, I looked up the definition of sexy with the intention of listing exactly how I did not fit the description. Then I read it clear as day. Exciting. Appealing. Attractive. I would be a liar if I didn't consider myself these things.



My ability to hold an intelligent conversation with a man, igniting those sparks, that chemistry, with witty banter and hotly debatable topics is my definition of choice. Yet, to deny my physicality would be highly naive on my part. At least I've learnt that now. For years I've struggled, and sometimes still do struggle, with that side of me. As I've gotten older it's become clearer that attraction is subjective and if you're physically attractive to someone, there's not much you can do about turning that off completely. Put on weight? Not a huge factor. Less figure-hugging outfits? With an ass on blast and a sizeable waist:hip ratio, that notion died quicker that rice falls at a wedding. Not to put it all on the opposite sex though. I'm a sucker for chemistry. Not so much about type (although my blacker berried men have got the slight jump 🍇) but the aforementioned banter can unconsciously shift into flirtation on my part if that chemistry is there. However, here's the thing about sexiness, about flirtation, about physicality in its rawest form. If you aren't aware of it, it has the ability to overwhelm. Like I mentioned before, I struggle with my own. I'm truthful in my knowledge that social media is indicative of moments in time and I am unashamedly the first to admit that my moments can be when I put the best hourglass poses forward. But those images aren't the full story. And when I connect with someone and evoke that flirtatious side to me that 'fits' my body, it's still hand in hand with the SB the homebody who could watch reruns of the Good Wife all day. Whilst the focus may be on the former side for him, my focus is always on both because I live it. In the past, I genuinely thought that the two were also evident to all but people see what works for them. And so, I find myself at the stage of trying to understand the balance of flirtation.



 I would, again, be a liar if I said I wanted no attention. I am who I am and was fearfully and wonderfully made (thanks be to God). But there is a need to be conscious of exactly who you are, your physical impact and not letting it emit false intentions for you. Whilst I've had guys try to force the agenda, I too am, and have seen many women, guilty. Guilty of not understanding that even the most innocent of actions can play their part in placing the focus on the wrong place of a budding friendship or relationship. Not to play the blame game here. I am a firm believer that each situation is unique. But it's important to being aware of your interactions at all time. Chemistry is biological, and flirtation is psychological but sense rules all. Ladies, we especially have the bigger part to play. Communication is goal-orientated but patterns highlighted around communication in the form of flirting indicate that "men view flirting as more intimacy-driven whereas women are more inclined to more fun and relational motives" ¹. A bit of a 'no-shxt-Sherlock' observation but I had to remind the ones in the back.

I wish I could advise on ways to stay conscious, like I normally do in my posts, but I haven't quite got this one figured out yet. I'd definitely say be honest at all times if things are going left and SNTCT: Say No To Community Chat. Those compliments that have done the rounds are not for you boo and should not trap you into those conversation-turning responses. I think mainly is to just be real with yourself. If you think it'll be misinterpreted, it probably will and if you want to take the risk then do you. But keep it 100 percent; if we ask for a man's intentions to be transparent, then so should ours. As always, I hope this helps someone on their journey. If you'd now kindly excuse me, I'm off to practice my mirror moves.