SBisms™: The Intentional Series Vol. 1


How would I describe the dating world right now for the average woman in her mid/late twenties? Hmmm. It’s like your wig falling off in the middle of a dancefloor at a house party. In front of your crush. And the girl who reported you to Pastor for not covering your arms in church and got you kicked off the ushering team. Who coincidentally is dating your crush. Which you find out as the three of you watch your Peruvian bundles making a break for freedom across the room. WILD.
Dating is not called the Jungle for nothing. And the issue is not so much navigating through the landmines to meet a great guy, as most of us have a FBI agent-friend worth their weight in Instataps and LinkedIn navigation (wildlings wears suits too; quote me).  It’s more.. well, it’s that, sometimes, stepping on the landmines seems the better option because at least they give a reaction.  Not that anyone wants to come and kill themselves, God forbid.  But the lack of chat/honesty/ability to build a relationship has grown exponentially in recent years and a somewhat-young G is tiyad. 

Of course, I’m still hopeful.  I fully subscribe to the belief that not all men are the same, would post up with ‘Black Men Don’t Cheat’ all up on my shirt-shirt-shirt. However, bearded baes, professional poobears, sexy singleboos, the ladies and I have conferred and we’re going to help you out.  Not that I can put it all on the men.  Ladies, it’s time we have a virtual group chat too.  

These were the 3 things I promised myself I do when I finally decided to write #TheIntentionalSeries     (follow on Instagram!).  All jokes aside, over my years of dating and conversations, most especially in the last year, there are tangible gems I’ve learnt and want to share. Intentional is a word I’ve been praying on since the beginning of this year.  However, it was the 3 practical steps to being intentional, shared by @londonfellowship, which really brought it home.  
My main aim? To contribute to a new conversation which simply keeps it 100%.  Keeps us in constant understanding and accountable for our actions.   Because in whatever form it takes, we all deserve true happiness and peace but we firstly hold the ability to make that happen.

So over the next 4 posts, I’ll be looking at some of the issues we face whilst dating, putting my own Sarahism spin and storytelling on it. I hope you laugh, you may even cry but, most of all, I want those who are single and reading this to know: you’re not alone in your experiences.  All opinions and interactions are welcome; follow me on @lifewithoutspanxs and let’s get a discussion going!

SB xx

CLICK HERE FOR VOL 2 OF THE INTENTIONAL SERIES: The Importance of Chemistry
CLICK HERE FOR VOL 3 OF THE INTENTIONAL SERIES: Making The First Move
CLICK HERE FOR VOL 4 OF THE INTENTIONAL SERIES: The 101 (the basics of dating)
CLICK HERE FOR VOL 5 OF THE INTENTIONAL SERIES: Everyday is Therapy (dealing with heartbreak and going to therapy)

SBism™: This One's a Game Changer


I’ve never considered myself conventional.

Sure, I’ve been through similar growing pains to most of the women on this earth. But deep down, I’ve always known there was something different about me. To date, I still can’t put my finger on what makes me unique but one thing I’m certainly starting to accept; it’s special. More importantly, it’s to be celebrated.


This year I set myself a goal; to try and harness my individuality into something I could share with the world. With that, I’ve had to deal with some painful truths and emotional realisations, mixed with a Sarah-sized dose of the usual ‘how on Earth did you get into that situation?!’ scenarios. Thank God I can smile about it now! All lessons to be learnt from. However, I was still struggling to find the inner peace I know I need to truly capture my words, my way.




My peace is heavily influenced by my environment so, to tackle the issue, I took some time off work, shut myself off from the world and started to rebuild my sanctum. Passing on that dress-that- makes-my ass-look-amazing-but-is-highly-age-inappropriate to the next curious teen venturing past the charity shop, rediscovering some gems in my vast book collection and taking my affirmation wall to the next level; I did it all. It’s amazing how God works though. After the 3rd day straight of assembling new drawers and bookshelves, lying on the floor sticky, sweaty and pretty flipping exhausted, the realisation hit me. I wasn’t at peace with myself because I simply stopped taking the time to appreciate just how unique I could be when I put my mind to it. The little touches brought such joy to my heart. Geeky, hopeful, strong, beautiful. A task I’d seen as a means to an end had become therapy.



Therapy, by Cambridge definition:
“a treatment that helps someone feel better, grow stronger, etc., especially after an illness”. 
But, in this day and age, who stops to consider a lack of self-care as an illness? The priorities may be different but the hustle to keep them all afloat is still the same; the feeling of failure when something drops universal. Finding the balance in life is so precarious that, try as I might, there is no surefire way I could explain to those reading this how to get the same realisation I did, and make it applicable to your o wnlife. Because we do that, don’t we? Try to apply this-one-size-fits-all solution to fixing our inner issues. Having said that, I do have one piece of advice I think everyone should take:

Do not be ashamed if you are still on your journey to discovering you

Your personal balance will come along with your journey and, hopefully, your own inner peace moment. I’m nearing the big 3-Oh! but I’ve learnt more about myself in the last 6 months then I have in years. I’m more proud of even the smallest achievements because I know the huge strides I’ve taken to reach there. Not for one second do I write this having turned a huge corner in fully appreciating myself. Knowing me, that moment is imminent. For now though, I’ve enjoying the new foundation I’ve laid in rediscovering who I am and how great I will be.

 SB xx

SBism™: Am I Allowed to take the Crown?



2018 has been an amazing shit year so far. 
No, the grammatical flaw, oxymoronic phrasing and swift use of profanity is not by sheer accident. I’ve found undiluted joy in throwing away new clothes and cried silently at night during the best holiday of my life. The confusion is HD real. Like a sledgehammer, 29 swung into my life. I like the terminology “29 Like Fine Wine”. However, I certainly needed a few moments to overcome the bottle repeatedly smashing into my proverbial skull before drinking the sweet mind-altering liquid  (she writes, on day 12 of her 30-day detox). It’s all one and the same though.


Referred to some as the ‘Golden year’, my new age came with sobering thoughts of what’s next before the big 3-0. Not that I can solely attribute my feelings to my messy birthday celebration and sunglasses-and-Advil filled PPD (that’s Post Party Discussion for those not yet used to my acronym-filled vocabulary). February had me step up to new and scarily unfamiliar work challenges, March; betrayed and broken-hearted by a friend. April... well, the aforementioned crying, late night texting and sudden realisations sumed that bad boy birthday month all the way up. But I cannot lament over the first part of this convoluted year. At my big old age, wahala, or challenges, cannot come without looking for the lessons learnt. Mine was a sombre pill to swallow; in the years leading to this moment I had become fearful.

Reliant on the opinions of others.

Fiercely protective of my heart from those equally scarred.

Shamefully accepting of my continuous internal narrative of not being good enough; good enough to lead, good enough to be loved. 
There are many things to be said about the Spirit. One of my favourite scriptures is Philippians 4:6-7:
 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 
In the two instances where my great challenge came to light (watching a loved one hit a milestone from afar and seeing a past crush deal with an achingly familiar situation), there was a wave of calm which immediately cloaked what would normally send me into a painfully dark spiral. Growing pains are universal. Even the smallest of steps shapes our future actions. If I held on to this fear, this challenge which had slowly driven me to take Panadol for a non-existent headache, I would allow my internal narrative to become a self-fulfilling prophesy. I would not be able to lead nor be loved because... well, because I’d be too boxed up to lead and punch out the lights of the guy attempting to love me.


Forgive and forget. Three words which hold so much weight in this day and age. Words, I’m sure some of you have also struggled with. What I can say is, going into the 2nd quarter, these are words that will open a world some of you didn’t even realised was closed. There’s no aligned route to which people take to get there. Hopefully, I have not destroyed precious bridges in coming to my own realisation now. But it’s helped me make some pretty big decisions, ones that will shape my future for sure. I encourage anyone reading this, if you haven’t already, to do the same. Of course, no man or woman could try to take me for an original dickhead; that time has come and gone fo’ real, fo’ real. I do know, however, that the next 9 months will finally lay some of these fears to rest. I will, by the grace of God, be allowed to take the Crown.

SB xx

Feelspiration™: It's Like Candy...Red! ❤️

My oh my, how 2017 has flown by! It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating the start of 2017 and we’ve now only got 2.5 months of it left! However, goals are still achievable, much so fashion as well as life ones, and thus I come with an Autumn Feelspiration™ in the form of Caaaandy. Well Candy red to be exact.

With red being de rigueur for AW17, this scintillating shade has a reason for most people to invest, so a fitting Feelspiration™. Candy red is my shade of choice as its vibrancy works particularly well with darker skin tones; perfect to spice up a mellow Autumn afternoon. As my style has developed over the years, I think colour mapping to skintone is one piece of advice that I have stayed true to. I was a full fuchsia junkie when I was younger (very indicative of my excitable nature back then!) with pop colours my partners in fashion play. However, red, whether candy, crimson or rose, strikes the perfect trifecta between elegance, simplicity and…well, pure fire! I would encourage everyone reading this to find their perfect red. It’s the colour of energy and helps boost self-empowerment, which is never a bad thing! More importantly, it evokes passion which is something I truly believe we all should have. So, whether it’s a first date, important presentation or you’re just celebrating positivity changes in your life, there is a perfect red fit out there for it. This article on eBay is a great starter guide on finding the best shade for you but be open to experimenting; everyone is unique!



This drop hem dress was a snap purchase from Primark whilst prepping for what turned out to be an ah-mazing weekend (shout out to Sade, SOAB & SuyaSpot!). I teamed it with thigh high boots (thighs seem to be de rigueur for me right now!) to take the edge of the mini element but I felt so free and, dare I say it, sexy! Funnily enough, I actually bumped into an ex and felt too good to care – gotta love those moments!


Although you can’t buy this dress online, I’ve curated a collection of items which will suit a variety of shapes and sizes. Click, purchase and get your red on!

Ella pointed pumps – Pretty Ballerinas
Red Oversized Bow Bandeau Crop Top – River Island
Red wrap neck sleeveless top – River Island
Red lace scalloped hem pencil skirt – River Island
Cristina Red Patent Leather 38 heels – Moda In Pelle
Red Tassel Halterneck Midi dress – Pretty Little Thing
Skye Belted Tailored Culottes – Boohoo
Harriet Tailored Flute Sleeve Shift dress – Boohoo
Freya Military Style Blazer – Boohoo
Red Crochet Lace Plunge Swing Dress – Pretty Little Thing


 SB x

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WACWW: Thigh High Slit


Yo yo yo, greetings from an island in the middle of Western Europe!  It was been a minute since I've done a WACWW (What A Curvy Woman Wants for all the newbies) but I'm back and I'm better :)  Keeping it 100% honest, I've had a hard time with my fluctuating weight and drastic change in an ever hectic lifestyle so I've not been inspired to take some Life Without Spanxs-worthy posts. However, like a hardworking woman should, I whisked myself away from the hustle and bustle of London and took some time to give myself some love. Et voila, this WACWW is the result!

So, I don't know about anyone else but I am absolutely LOVIN' Pretty Little Thing right now!  Somehow I missed the memo when it stopped catering for the modelesque statue and decided to throw some curve hugging pieces in the mix, but I am here for it!  For the longest time, I've wanted a maxi dress with a thigh slit for the gawds and amidst my hoarding  purchases on the site I came across this gem., it's so hard to find a dress where the slit doesn't look like it's trying to cut shapes on your body, but this dress is as graceful on the curves as it is beautiful on the eye. I tanned whilst away so the burnt orange gave me delicious vibes against the tan but, like any great retailer, they have an array of colours, suitable for many skin tones.


You can purchase the dress here but if you're looking for something a tad more demure, this Forever Unique dress is also recommended, with a drape forgiving of many sins.

Right, off to get my Angelina Jolie leg pose on!

SB xx
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